I’ve always attended to his needs. I have always thought of ways on how to improve the relationship. To make it fucking perfect. I gave my best. I wasn’t being myself. I was less egoistic. I was caring. I was fucking understanding. But then he just fucking needs MORE AND MORE AND MORE. His fucking attitude. I am so sick of it. Who does he think he is? Some sort of God who can manipulate everyone? I’m FUCKING TIRED OF BEING NICE! I’m fucking tired of giving everything I have. I am really DONE with this. GO ON WITH YOUR FUCKING LIFE YOU SOCIOPATH! I don’t need ANYTHING FROM YOU. WHY DO I HAVE TO ADJUST? JUST BECAUSE HE’S HANDICAPPED DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO DO ALL THE UNDERSTANDING! JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS LESSER OR HAVE BIGGER ISSUES, I HAVE TO ADJUST! WHY DON’T THEY ADJUST TOO? BECAUSE OF THEIR SITUATION? BECAUSE THEY NEED MORE UNDERSTANDING THAN THE OTHERS? REALLY? WHAT IF I TELL YOU, SOME PEOPLE ALSO NEED TO BE UNDERSTOOD. WE ARE ALL FIGHTING OUR OWN FUCKING BATTLES AND NOBODY KNOWS WHAT EXACTLY WE’RE GOING THROUGH. I’M SICK OF ALL THIS. I’M FUCKING SICK OF GIVING AND GIVING AND GIVING AND TRYING TO BE NICE AND BEING UNDERSTANDING. FUCK THIS! I AM MY OWN FUCKING HERO.
So I took him back. It’s only been a month but it felt like a year already. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal but I called it quits again. Why? Because he already said it himself. That I’m not good enough. Who will be good enough then? Nobody. Because he is a narcissistic sociopath. I don’t wanna get stuck in the same infinite loop again. I wanna be normal again. I wanna have realistic dreams again. I wanna live again.
God, I need you. Please help me get through this.