I woke up at 4:00 am and saw the blinking LED on my phone. A lot of missed calls and text messages. Then, he called up again. I held my phone and was hesitant. I was torn between ignoring the call and answering it. I made a very quick pros and cons. I picked it up. Why? Because I want to let him know that I was hurt. That I know everything about the silly games he play. That I have no plans of getting back together with him. So there, we talked. He was crying. He told me how he wanted to change bla bla bla. That he loved me so much bla. My reply to his statements were “NO. Please. Just let me move on. I’ve been nice to you so I think I still deserve one last favor. And that is you, leaving me alone.”
He accepted it. He asked how he can make it up to me. I said, by thinking of his brother’s and mother’s welfare will be more than enough for me.
He was still crying. I can feel the sincerity (or narcissists are really damm good actors?). Because I’ve seen that before. And I know after he’s done with his crying, he’ll just go back to his normal routine of making my life miserable which I’M ALREADY FUCKING DONE WITH.
My primary reason for having that last conversation is to make him feel that I was hurt, I’ve been very nice to him and also because I really needed that for my self-esteem. I needed the sincerest form apology he could give me. My soul needs it.
So there…no more drip, drip, drip. I am finally moving on. I will have no worries of him blackmailing me because I left in good terms with him. You know how narcissists plot revenge when they feel something doesn’t go their way. That’s why I inculcate in his mind that I was nice to him and I was hurt that’s why I’m leaving. At least, when he thinks of me, he wouldn’t feel the need to kill me.
Dammm. My soul is now free. Thank You, God. Thank You so much!
God, that was one dammm of a lecture. 😛
I have always been a firm believer of destiny. I believe that everything happens for a reason.
Things that happened to me during the past couple of months were no accident. They were bound to happen. From playing Ragnarok to being transferred to head office. I was destined to meet those two difficult people who played the major role in making my life miserable. They resemble the evil part of me.
My former boss was very much like me in terms of micro-managing her subordinates and over delegating tasks. She was very disorganize and doesn’t know how to manage people well. I learned that subordinates do not like a boss who doesn’t know what she is doing. My former boss was very dependent to us. She delegated all her tasks to us and breathed down our necks. The same thing I was doing when I was supervising the store. I was checking up on my subordinates from time to time. I tend to delegate most of the tasks before because the tasks were very strenuous. Still, same shit.
My ex-bf was very much like the former me. I used to play with peoples’ feelings especially when they are very nice to me. I tend to abuse them. I don’t care about their feelings. I only care about myself. I was a cheater. I really was a heartless bitch.
Those two dominated my life for almost a year. It was like facing all my demons at the same time. I learned everything the hard way.
God knows that I am very stubborn. I don’t listen to other people easily. As for me, to see/experience firsthand is to believe.
Very much like my childhood experience. As a child, I really like to run and run and run and play with the other kids outdoors. My parents could not stop me from running because I was really opinionated and stubborn. I did not listen to them. I won’t listen. So what they did was to let me run. I was a little wimpy back then so I pretty much incurred a lot of knee wounds. That’s the only time I stopped.
That’s me. I won’t stop until something almost kills me.
But I’m glad it’s all over. My God, do I learn.
After breaking down the events and with careful analysis, I’ve realized that everything was a set-up. My lunatic ex pretended to be someone he’s not. He also changed the personalities of his friends to suit my preference. Just like what Barney did on a HIMYM episode.
Everything was a lie. The entire thing was built on lies. None of it was true since day 1. Sad part is, I did not see that coming.